sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
