Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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