They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
