Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
