not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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