I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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