i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
