I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
