if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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