i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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