Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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