You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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