Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
