It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Terrible idea I love it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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