youre lurking in front of me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
