Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
