hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
