plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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