she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
