the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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