I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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