I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
