I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
