I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
