I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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