He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I deserve this hangover.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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