dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I did not marry a roomba.
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