Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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