Your tits are I can't wait for
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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