Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
