i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
