P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My balls are so social today.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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