Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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