Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
