if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
