one might say we're banned from that church
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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