I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
