I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
