It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
