I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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