Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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