First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
