i think my mom watched the whole time
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
