As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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