I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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