We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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