Will you blow on my dice?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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