i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
