Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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