Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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