It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
