Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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