Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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