It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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