Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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