he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
