Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
