I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
