it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
