So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
