Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
